Compromise…

dreamshadow — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:21:36 +0000

My ultimate career goal is to break into the realm of screenwriting. I know it’s a fairly exclusive line of work, and that I may never get my lucky break, but it’s what I’d like to do. So until that day comes, if it ever does, I’d like to work for UPS as a Package Delivery driver. To get that spot, you have to put in a couple years of grunt work as a dock rat, loading the trucks part time. To qualify as a driver, you also have to be 21 years of age, which is about the time I’ll be getting out of college. So, here’s the plan, and I think it’ll make everyone in my life happy. I’ll get a part time package handling job with UPS while in school. By the time I graduate, I’ll have put my years in and done my time in the back. I’ll also have a degree in case everything falls through and I don’t get the driving gig. In the meantime, I’ll develop my skills as a screenwriter. I already have some ideas for movie scripts, it’s just a matter of learning the formalities of the genre and putting it all down on paper.

Your Every Day Disappointment

dreamshadow — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:27:33 +0000

It’s my first post, and you were probably only drawn here by my pleasantly vague blog titles. Otherwise, I’m guessing it was an accidental visit. In any case, let me just explain what my blog titles imply, and give you a little insight as to who I am. My name’s Sean, and I have recently regressed into a certain disenchantment with life. I’ve lived a quintessential existence from the start, born to a “nuclear,” middle-class family of devout Methodists. Me…well, I don’t know what the hell I am anymore. But that’s for another time. What I want to address is the reason I started this blog.

In high school, I really had my shit together. I was a straight A student with a promising future who was fourth in a large graduating class. I got into the honors college at every university I applied to, was granted National AP Scholar, and was the Captain of our swim team which won districts three years straight. The problem with doing well early in life is that you build up expectations about who you should be. If you let those expectations shape who you become, you turn into society’s puppet boy, and those who you want to please pull at your shackles and strings until you chafe and bleed. In my senior year of high school, I really began to detect the discrepancies between who I wanted to be and who I was actually becoming.

I’m a chemical engineering major at a huge accredited public university: I hate it. It’s not about my major, and it’s not about the location. It’s just that I don’t want to go to college. It’s as simple as that. I want to snap the strings at my wrists and neck and become a self-supporting individual, because I’ve realized that’s the only way I (me, personally) will have a sense of purpose in life. I’ve been told to reconsider and muck through college, however hellish it may be, so that I can secure a good job someday. My friend rolled her eyes when I told her that I wanted to drop out. She asked, “Don’t you want to give anything back to society? I do, because I feel like I’ve taken so much.” I didn’t have a response at the time because I was stunned by the stupidity of the question. Just because I don’t get a college degree doesn’t mean I’ll be some freeloading bum on the street corner. Blue-collar workers have jobs that are essential to the functioning of our society, and there’s no doubting that their careers can be just as demanding. And bottom line is that I can give infinitely more back to society in a job that I am content or happy with than I ever could doing something I hate.

I haven’t established this blog to bitch and moan. I’ve done it to provide inspiration, however cliche that might be, to pursue in life that which matters to you. Life is about compromise: it’s about finding the balance between who others need you to be and who you are. But you can’t sacrifice everything that makes you you. Otherwise, you will come to resent those who matter the most, and in the end, it will have gotten you nowhere. I plan on using this blog as a journal of sorts, and I’ve never kept a journal of any kind, so I’d appreciate it if you readers would keep me honest and give me feedback, whether it’s support or how you can relate, or whatever.

Cheers,

Sean

- By the way, I haven’t dropped out. I’m still trying to figure things out, and I haven’t even tossed a hint my parents’ way yet, so we’ll see how that all goes down. Hopefully I’ll be able to muster up the courage to confront them about it.

The Dropout

Compromise…

Your Every Day Disappointment